All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
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My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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