hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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