He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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