I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
