i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
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Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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