Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
