I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
