I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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