It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
