I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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