Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
