I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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