yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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