I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
