thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
