I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
