Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
