I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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