Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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