i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
