I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he shaved USA in his pubs
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
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but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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