god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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