can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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