I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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