I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
