I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
