...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
