Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
