the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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