Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
