I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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