ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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