thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
