Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
NoShamevember. You game?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
