There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
