dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
