Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
