I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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