Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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