She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
