HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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