i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
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I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
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Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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