my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
