Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
