Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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