I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
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Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
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I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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