I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
