So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
