i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
