He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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