i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Someone signed my nipple.
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