I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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