So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
