It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
