what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
