just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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