it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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