So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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