New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
